God's a sneeky old guy

Ever get the feeling something's fixing to happen to you? Not a bad thing, but that something big is about to come along that drastically changes your life? Like maybe the guy you've been dating for years all the sudden started acting weird and cutting back on spending and your dad somehow slips that he came to visit him the other day? That feeling of something big looming on the horizon but that is just out of your view. Yeah. That's my life right now.

God's doing awesome things at our church. People are joining our family and accepting Jesus and plugging in to our ministries. People are visiting our services and coming back to visit more. The 'powers that be' are even stepping up to make some necessary changes to our facilities and other things that have been sitting on go for years now. We have people rising to leadership who are real and who are living their lives for God, who are ready to take action. There are some awesome things happening, and I feel like God's got something big planned for us. 'The fields are there for the taking.'

And I have a feeling there is something waiting for me in the midst of all this. I have a degree in youth ministry. I've done ministry before. I hated it. I told God I wouldn't do it again. Ever. Told him to figure out a new plan for me cuz I wasn't going down that road. So somehow I wound up in Cisco, Texas teaching Spanish. I started going to FBC where I happened to know all of the ministers when I walked in the door. Soon after I got here our music minister left and without any specific personal desire I volunteered to lead the music. Then I told God he had to send me some friends or I was leaving. So he sent me Angel. Who just happened to be in charge of the college Bible study. And again, without any real personal desire to do so, I plugged myself in with that ministry and eventually found myself in the lead there as well.

And since I started going to our church I've had a sneaking suspicion that God had a place in ministry for me there. Not like layperson-leadership ministry, but vocational paycheck-says-FBC-on-it ministry. And I have this feeling that something's about to happen that will bring me into that place.

What's funny is that I told God I wouldn't ever do it again and now, after years of serching for direction and alternatives to my current situation, I find myself actually wishing that it would just happen. That the time would finally be here. I've been waiting for the the other hand to drop for so long now I actually WANT to be in ministry. I actually WANT to go to seminary. (What!?!??? I know!) But it took all this time, these years of stressful job, overloaded schedule, searching for my purpose, hating life here, hating life in general, and now I am back in a place where my desires match up with God's desires for me.

Like I said, God's a sneeky old guy...

Right Where I Need to Be

So I lead worship at my church. We've been looking for a full-time minister for close to two years now, but nobody has ever worked out. When we lost our last interim I offered to take the lead until we could find the right guy or gal for the job. I thoroughly enjoy leading our worship services. It's honestly one of the highlights of my week, even though it means I don't ever get to sleep in on a Sunday lol. Each week I get paid for my services, just like we pay any guest leader or preacher. This extra income helped me make it through financially my first year of teaching and gives me a little extra wiggle room to pay for things like clothes, an occasional movie or dinner out, home improvements, couches...lol.

I've been trying to be frugal this month so that I could put in a yard fence for Roper to run around. Anyway, I didn't open my church check for the last two weeks because I was trying not to spend them. Today, however, I had to get money for gas to drive to class. So I went to the bank to cash one of my checks. Now, being slightly OCD and just a general dork, I had to open the checks in the correct order. I know... feel free to laugh.

So when I tore open the envelope two checks fell out. Two checks? When I looked at the second check, I saw on the bottom 'Love offering.'

'Love offering.'

I was blown away. I had been trying to figure the last few month's bills and where the money would come from, whether I would need to put this on a credit card or wait to buy that until next month. And then two words made my eyes fill up with tears.

'Love offering.'

I had spent the past weeks questioning the reason I am here in this town, what God's big plan is. I had been trying to find ways to distract myself from the times of stress and disappointment and misery that invariably find me. I had asked God if there was a point to all this, if I was truly doing what I should or if I was just settling in this safe and set place with a safe and sturdy job. I was needing some hope, some encouragment from God.

And all week I had been carrying around an offering of love from the people I am serving. It had sat under the seat, traveled with me to Wal-Mart, slept next to me in the laundry room.

Sometimes I find myself in the doldrums. Expecting that nothing good will happen. That I will just have to plug through the days. That I will just have to live with the uncertainty of where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing. I have learned that if I don't hope for something good, I won't be disappointed.

But this love offering helped me to see that, for now, even when it's not very fun, even when I feel all alone, even when I work and work without recognition or gratitude, I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing. No matter how it may frustrate me or how much I may want to leave, right now I am right where I need to be.

Growing Up

Since I graduated from college I have moved to a new town, got a job, bought a house, and lived alone for the very first time. Living solo definately has its perks. For instance, right now I have a pile of dirty clothes on the floor in my bedroom AND my bathroom, worn-once clothes draped over my bedframe, and clean clothes in the laundry basket and the dryer... and NOBODY CARES! :) Sure, my toilet float broke and I have to turn the water on and off underneath whenever I need to flush, but hey, you can't have everything lol. Plus I get to be my own handiman.

When I bought my house I slowly started turning it into my home. I painted rooms, hung my favorite pieces of art and decorations, made or bought curtains, got a new queen-sized bed (which is AWESOME! Sooo much better than the twin bed I slept on all through college lol.), built a deck, and put a new roof on my house. Most of my furniture, however, is multi-generational hand-me-downs or was at flee markets or discount stores. The couch that I have in my livingroom now is actually a loveseat that my college roommate let me keep when we all graduated. She got it from her parents, who got it from her aunt and uncle. Seriously. Multigenerational hand-me-down. It has served us all well.

But now, I have my very own real couch! It's not a loveseat. I didn't buy it off of a truck or Big Lots. It is awesome! It has recliners on each end. It is full-length. It is tan microsuede and very comfy. I bought it at a REAL furniture store. Sure, they were going out of business and selling everything at-cost, but STILL! It counts! And I bought it all by myself, without any friend co-shopping support (though I did have to call Kristin to assure me it was a good decision lol).

Man, I must be growing up...

Friday Night at Home Alone: A Revelation

So as usual I'm chillin at home by myself tonight, and I felt the little monster of loneliness start pestering me, so I decided to look up some different things I would like to do sometime in the near future (I would love to fit one in before school starts up but I just don't think it's gonna happen...) and I started realizing all of the wonderful things about my life as a happily single woman. In fact the evening became a time of self-discovery and personal revelation.

If you go online you can find lots of fun blogs and books about being single, whether that singleness is by choice, for life, from the end of a relationship, or a stage you're going through on your way to married life. Here is probably my favorite discovery of the night: http://queenofrelationships.com/ten-reasons-its-great-to-be-single/ This is an awesome and hilarious blog post that really does bring the perks of single life into the forefront. Read it. It will make you laugh. It will make you appreciate your life right now. And it might help chase away those single-blues that all of us face from time to time.

I personally am beginning to believe more and more that I will be single for life. And you know what? I'm becoming more and more ok with that. Actually, I'm becoming more and more excited about that!

I've struggled with the common Christian mindset that the job of a good Christian girl is to marry a good Christian man and raise a good little Christian family. There is pressure everywhere telling me and other singles out there that we're "missing something" because we're not married, and that we have to wait for love to come along so that we can start living. That God has a "better plan" for us that involves a man or woman who has to "complete" us.

Well, if that's true I'm screwed. In fact I'm learning that nothing could be farther from the truth. God DOES have a better plan for our lives than we could ever dream of, but I am becoming convinced that often has extremely little to do with our relationship status and everything to do with how we live for God.

I worry that so many single people, inlcuding myself and my single friends, are wasting this awesome time in our lives waiting for that special someone to come along before we start LIVING! Life isn't what starts when you get married. Life is NOW! Life is what you do with every day, whether you're single, dating, or married, You can choose to make the most of each day without a ring on your finger.

So don't you dare let anyone, including yourself, make you miss out on what your life is right now! Make plans, chase a dream, build your career, get a pet, buy a house, move to a new city, take a trip, do whatever it is that God wants for your life right now. And then KEEP DOING IT!

God made you a WHOLE person, not a half.