Right Where I Need to Be

So I lead worship at my church. We've been looking for a full-time minister for close to two years now, but nobody has ever worked out. When we lost our last interim I offered to take the lead until we could find the right guy or gal for the job. I thoroughly enjoy leading our worship services. It's honestly one of the highlights of my week, even though it means I don't ever get to sleep in on a Sunday lol. Each week I get paid for my services, just like we pay any guest leader or preacher. This extra income helped me make it through financially my first year of teaching and gives me a little extra wiggle room to pay for things like clothes, an occasional movie or dinner out, home improvements, couches...lol.

I've been trying to be frugal this month so that I could put in a yard fence for Roper to run around. Anyway, I didn't open my church check for the last two weeks because I was trying not to spend them. Today, however, I had to get money for gas to drive to class. So I went to the bank to cash one of my checks. Now, being slightly OCD and just a general dork, I had to open the checks in the correct order. I know... feel free to laugh.

So when I tore open the envelope two checks fell out. Two checks? When I looked at the second check, I saw on the bottom 'Love offering.'

'Love offering.'

I was blown away. I had been trying to figure the last few month's bills and where the money would come from, whether I would need to put this on a credit card or wait to buy that until next month. And then two words made my eyes fill up with tears.

'Love offering.'

I had spent the past weeks questioning the reason I am here in this town, what God's big plan is. I had been trying to find ways to distract myself from the times of stress and disappointment and misery that invariably find me. I had asked God if there was a point to all this, if I was truly doing what I should or if I was just settling in this safe and set place with a safe and sturdy job. I was needing some hope, some encouragment from God.

And all week I had been carrying around an offering of love from the people I am serving. It had sat under the seat, traveled with me to Wal-Mart, slept next to me in the laundry room.

Sometimes I find myself in the doldrums. Expecting that nothing good will happen. That I will just have to plug through the days. That I will just have to live with the uncertainty of where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing. I have learned that if I don't hope for something good, I won't be disappointed.

But this love offering helped me to see that, for now, even when it's not very fun, even when I feel all alone, even when I work and work without recognition or gratitude, I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to be doing. No matter how it may frustrate me or how much I may want to leave, right now I am right where I need to be.