Day 4/98

Today was still tough but it wasn't much worse than yesterday.  It was nice and cloudy from the storms trying to build up and move in from the north.  Didn't run quite as much as yesterday, but I did notice some soreness for the first time today.  Tomorrow is a rest day, woo hoo!  And I lost a pound today :)  Yay me!  I don't know if it's the running or the no Dr. Pepper in my fridge that is helping more on that front lol.

Training Journal - Day 3/98

Phew!  That one was rough kids!  It was still just a mile, this week is only miles (trying that whole 'ease into it' thing), but man alive that was way harder than Monday!  Tuesday was my cross-training day (translation - rest day lol) so I didn't have much to say about that.  I don't know if it was the heat or maybe Monday's trip wasn't actually a mile or today's was a mile and a half or what.  I've gotta remeasure my routes.  It's been so long I can't remember which is which!  But anyway, I went.  I went!! And I ran much more than I did yesterday, which might be why it was so much harder.  Oh and BONUS, I did some strength training before my run! :) Nothing killer, but strength is strength.  Anyway, it was a good workout and now it's behind me.  Only 95 more days to go lol!   And it's a lot more enjoyable to feel bad from a workout than it is to feel bad because of NO workout.

Training Journal - Day 1/98

Wow.  What changes over a couple years.  No longer single, and loving this new part of life, moved to Nashville and returned, back in my own house again... It's funny when a bunch of changes brings you back in a big circle to right where you started.  Luckily I also grew and found a lot of happiness along the way.  Anyway...

I've decided to start running again after a crazy year or two off due to moves and commutes and things like that.  Today was my first training workout and it was easy breezy but that was my intention.  It's been so long since I've ran that I don't want to push myself too hard in the beginning and ruin the pleasure of running.  Just went a mile today, and walked a little over half of it.  But the point was for me to get out and go again.  Here is my training schedule for the next 14 weeks:

10K Training Schedule
Week	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
1 (7-23)	1 mi	XT	1 mi	1 mi	Rest	1 mi	Rest
2 (7-30)	1 mi	XT	1 ½ mi	1 mi	Rest	1 ½ mi	Rest
3 (8-6)	1 mi	XT	1 ½ mi	1 ½ mi	Rest	2 mi	Rest
4 (8-13)	1 mi	XT	2 mi	1 ½ mi	Rest	2 ½ mi	Rest
5 (8-20)	1 ½ mi	XT	2 ½ mi	1 ½ mi	Rest	3 mi	Rest
6 (8-27)	1 ½ mi	XT	2 ½ mi	1 ½ mi	Rest	5K in Rising Star	Rest
7 (9-3)	1 ½ mi	XT	3 mi	2 mi	Rest	3 ½ mi	Rest
8 (9-10)	1 ½ mi	XT	2 ½ mi	1 ½ mi	Rest	5K in Brownwood	Rest
9 (9-17)	2 mi	XT	3 mi	2 ½ mi	Rest	4 mi	Rest
10 (9-24)	2 mi	XT	3 ½ mi	2 ½ mi	Rest	4 ½ mi	Rest
11 (10-1)	2 mi	XT	4 mi	3 mi	Rest	5 mi	Rest
12 (10-8)	2 mi	XT	4 ½ mi	3 mi	Rest	6 mi	Rest
13 (10-15)	2 mi	XT	3 mi	2 mi	Rest	4 mi	Rest
14 (10-22)	2 mi	XT	3 mi	2 mi	Rest	10K in Stephenville	Rest

Race days are September 1 (5K in Rising Star), September 15 (5K in Brownwood, possibly), and then my 10K in Stephenville on October 27.  This should build me a very strong foundation, which was lacking this spring when I tried to start training again.  I found out it takes a lot more work to get myself comfortable at 2-3 miles than it used to hahaha. For cross training I plan to do weights/core training and possibly some biking too.  I need to incorporate core training into every workout somehow as well, but I haven't sat down to figure that out yet.

Anyway, I'm very excited about getting started with this.  I miss how great running and being in shape makes you feel.  Good first day, hopefully a lot more to come! :)

Call me unapologetic, but that's me.

There are a lot of things that I haven't enjoyed about life here in Cisco for the past three years. There have been a lot of low times, a lot of personal struggles and frustrations and uncertanties that I've had to deal with. I've had to deal with lonliness, work issues, losing friends, spiritual lessons, family crap, and probably the most difficult of all, learning to deal with all of things standing all alone on my own. For some reason tonight I'm being very reflective, and I'm beginning to see that these years have almost been a time of refining through the fire. Unpleasant and at times unbearable, but I've found a clearer picture of myself through the process. And even more important, I've learned how to accept and embrace all of these personal revelations. Here are some things I've found out about me.

I like good lookin' men. I do! I like looking at good lookin' men, and I'm ok with having high standards and only dating men that are good lookin' on the inside AND the outside. Call me shallow, but that's me.

I am sooo over holding my emotions in a neat little box. I love to laugh, and loudly, when I find something funny. When something pisses me off, I show that I'm mad. When someone does something that is just purely stupid, I don't mind expressing my opinion. Call me brazen, but that's me.

I think cheesey jokes are funny. I dance around like an idiot when nobody's watching...and sometimes when they are. :) I do stupid things to make people smile. Call me a dork, but that's me.

I am hard-headed. When I make up my mind, the only one who can change it is me. You will not talk me into doing something I truly do not want to do. I will do things the hard way just because I don't want to ask for help. Call me stubborn, but that's me.

I like being single. I don't want to have to share my life, my friends, my hobbies, my time, my money, my bed, my decisions, with anyone else. I don't want to have to care about somebody else's feelings. I don't want to have to take care of anybody but me. Call me selfish, but that's me.

I can be successful at pretty much anything I do. I am intelligent, honest, hard-working, and like I said, stubborn. Even if I don't have what it takes initially, I will work until I make it happen. Call me prideful, but that's me.

I hate stupidity. I hate dealing with idiots. If someone is incompetent, I think they should have to deal with the consequences of their stupidity. I don't think being an idiot should make life easier. Call me insensitive, but that's me.

I hold people to high standards. I believe that if you have a job to do, you should do it and you should do it right. I understand that people make mistakes, I definitely do, but that does not excuse laziness or poor work ethic. I expect you to doo what you're supposed to do and give it your best. Call me unforgiving, but that's me.

I like to be low-maintainence. I don't need a lot of fancy stuff to have a good time. I like a good game, sitting on the porch with friends, homecooked meals, cold beer, and junk food. I like growing my own food (I don't, but I'd like to lol) instead of buying pre-made stuff. One of the most enjoyable things in the world is driving in the sunshine with the windows down and the radio up. Call me simple, but that's me.

I am by no means perfect. Many of these characteristics are not necessarily good things, but they are nonetheless true. And as I've come to learn these things about myself, I have a deeper respect for who I am and more confidence. That is what I love the most about me.

Call me unapologetic, but that's me.

"Your 'alone' is my 'free'!!"

Ok, so I've noticed an epidemic of late. It is a sneaky thing that, I'm told, infects you when you least expect it, when you believe you're completely safe from contamination. It sometimes starts slowly, its sypmtoms unrecognizable even to the host's own awareness. Sometimes, it has been reported, that its effects are so strong upon outset that the host is immediately overcome entirely, with no hope for resistance or recovery. This 'disease' I speak of is love, and the epidemic I'm being swarmed around by at this time in my life is marriage.

Ok, I don't really think love is a disease, but seriously, what's up with EVERYBODY getting married?? Did I miss the memo that said "If you're not married (or at least engaged) by now, the aliens are coming to abduct you for experimentation."?? All of my friends are married. Some have been married for years now (the fact that I'm old enough to have friends my age who have been married 'for years' is an entirely different freak-out session, with which I will deal at a later time), and the ones that were still left are now also tied off to their various husbands and wives. I am the last man standing. (Well, woman, but that's not how the saying goes...)

And you know what? I'm glad.

I love being single. I love being single, and as I'm typing I'm sitting on my couch at 11:00 on a Friday night, alone, not getting ready to go out and not having returned from a date or even co-ed social extravaganza. I've got my hair up in a ponytail, ready to put on my pjs, and excited about the new book I'm going to start reading once I crawl into bed alone. And then I'm looking forward to falling asleep to season 2 of Grey's Anatomy. I love this life. Who wouldn't??

I love knowing that nobody's going to eat the last piece of my birthday cake.
I love knowing that the toilet seat is always going to be down.
I love knowing that nobody is going to care if my breath smells bad in the morning.
That no one cares if I leave the dirty dishes in the sink and the clean ones in the dishwasher until I run out of coffee cups.
That no one is going to kick me in the middle of the night or keep me up snoring.
That nobody is going to record over this week's episode of The Bachelor, or erase the three seasons of Private Practice I still have on DVR because I don't want to pay for the DVD sets.
That I can quit my job and move tomorrow if I decided I wanted to.
I can sprawl out over the entire bed and cuddle with all four pillows all by myself.
I don't have to dust unless I invite over company.
I get to have whatever I feel like eating for dinner.
I can hit the snooze as many times as I want in the morning.
I can buy all the shoes or clothes or books or movies that I want.
I don't have to worry about my bank account suprisingly being overdrawn.
I can store my clean clothes in my laundry basket and the dryer, and the dirty ones on the floor.
I get to watch chick flicks anytime I want.
I don't have to check with someone else's schedule to spend time with my friends.
I can dance in my underwear with the radio up as loud as it can go.

Who on earth would want to give up this freedom???

Don't get me wrong, I get that most people generally don't like being alone. I get that being with someone has perks of its own. It's nice to have a built-in partner for vacations and living expenses and movie nights. It's nice to have someone to snuggle with sometimes. It's great to have someone to make out with, or do whatever else ;) with, guaranteed whenever you want.

But the thing about marriage is that it's forever. Or at least, that's generally the goal. When you're married to someone, you have to share EVERY part of your life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And you have to share that person's everything too. And that person, usually, doesn't really ever change.

So what happens when you wake up after ten years, twenty years, twenty days, and realize that you wish that person wasn't there? Or that you wish that person was a different person? Sure, there is comfort and security in being so familiar and connected with the same person, but there is also the flipside of excitement and adventure with someone new.

My point is that so many people my age are already into the 'settling down' part of their lives, when I'm out here trying to plan my next adventure. Did these people not have any other dreams than getting married? Nobody ever wanted to chase a crazy dream, or move to a brand new place, or anything else?

I'm not meaning to hate on marriage, but to me marriage is not something that should be rushed into. It's not one of those things you can do now but stop doing later. Marriage is (or should be) for life. And before you can share the rest of your life with someone else, doesn't that logically imply that you had your own life started before you decided to share it with them?

They say "When you know, you just know." Well, maybe that is true. Because for me, at this phase in my life, I know marriage isn't something I want in the picture. To me, wedding bells sound like a prison sentence, and that ring might as well be handcuffs.

Sometimes my friends ask me "Aren't you scared of being alone?" To them and to the rest of the world I say, "No. I like it this way, and your 'alone' is my 'free'!!!"

That's the way that the world goes 'round

Ever notice how crazy this world is?? Every time you want something you can't get it. BUT, the moment you decide you don't want it (or at least that you're done wasting time hoping you can get it), BOOM! There it is, right in front of you, laying itself at your feet.

It doesn't matter what you're wishing for. It could be a new car, an opportunity, a relationship, or a change somewhere in your life. The things you really want are never within your grasp. But if you let them go, viola, here they are for the taking. The second you move on, whatever you had been focusing on throws itself back into your life. It seems as though this is just to torment you. Because even though now it's back in your life, you CAN'T want this thing. If you start wanting it again, of course it becomes out of reach! Miranda Lambert's new cd has a song that pretty well articulates what I'm talking about. This song is really fun and sassy-sounding, so definately go check it out. Here ya go:

I know a gal got a lot to lose
She's a pretty nice lady but she's kinda confused
Got muscles in her head ain't never been used
And she thinks she owns half of this town

Starts drinkin' heavy gets a big red nose
And she beats her old man with her pantyhose
And takes him out and buys him new clothes
And that's the way that the world goes 'round

That's the way that the world goes 'round
One minute you're up and the next you're down
It's a half an inch of water and you think you're gonna drown
And that's the way that the world goes 'round

Well I was sittin' in the tub just countin' my toes
When the radiator broke and the water froze
Got stuck in ice without any clothes
Naked as the eyes of a clown

I was crying ice cubes hoping that I would croak
Then the sun came through the window and the ice all broke
I said son of a gun man now that's just a joke
And that's the way that the world goes 'round

That's the way that the world goes 'round
One minute you're up and the next you're down
Got half a inch of water and you think you're gonna drown
And that's the way that the world goes 'round
That's the way that the world goes 'round


Guess that's just the way that the world goes 'round... :P

God's a sneeky old guy

Ever get the feeling something's fixing to happen to you? Not a bad thing, but that something big is about to come along that drastically changes your life? Like maybe the guy you've been dating for years all the sudden started acting weird and cutting back on spending and your dad somehow slips that he came to visit him the other day? That feeling of something big looming on the horizon but that is just out of your view. Yeah. That's my life right now.

God's doing awesome things at our church. People are joining our family and accepting Jesus and plugging in to our ministries. People are visiting our services and coming back to visit more. The 'powers that be' are even stepping up to make some necessary changes to our facilities and other things that have been sitting on go for years now. We have people rising to leadership who are real and who are living their lives for God, who are ready to take action. There are some awesome things happening, and I feel like God's got something big planned for us. 'The fields are there for the taking.'

And I have a feeling there is something waiting for me in the midst of all this. I have a degree in youth ministry. I've done ministry before. I hated it. I told God I wouldn't do it again. Ever. Told him to figure out a new plan for me cuz I wasn't going down that road. So somehow I wound up in Cisco, Texas teaching Spanish. I started going to FBC where I happened to know all of the ministers when I walked in the door. Soon after I got here our music minister left and without any specific personal desire I volunteered to lead the music. Then I told God he had to send me some friends or I was leaving. So he sent me Angel. Who just happened to be in charge of the college Bible study. And again, without any real personal desire to do so, I plugged myself in with that ministry and eventually found myself in the lead there as well.

And since I started going to our church I've had a sneaking suspicion that God had a place in ministry for me there. Not like layperson-leadership ministry, but vocational paycheck-says-FBC-on-it ministry. And I have this feeling that something's about to happen that will bring me into that place.

What's funny is that I told God I wouldn't ever do it again and now, after years of serching for direction and alternatives to my current situation, I find myself actually wishing that it would just happen. That the time would finally be here. I've been waiting for the the other hand to drop for so long now I actually WANT to be in ministry. I actually WANT to go to seminary. (What!?!??? I know!) But it took all this time, these years of stressful job, overloaded schedule, searching for my purpose, hating life here, hating life in general, and now I am back in a place where my desires match up with God's desires for me.

Like I said, God's a sneeky old guy...